Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving for me means I am grateful for the end of the day.

This is what my Thanksgiving is like....

My Uncle wears a Hawaiian shirt, eats two drumsticks, three full plates of mashed potatoes, three cigarettes and a couple bottles of wine and is asking every five minutes what time it is because he has to go pick up his girlfriend.


My Aunt dresses like a disco queen and only eats out of the pots before dinner is served and undoes her pants when she sits down so she can eat more.

My mother wants to say grace.

My Grandmother wears badges that read "I can help you" and has about 10 multi level marketing jobs (many of which have to do with health and vitamins and magical patches) so she spends most of dinner trying to sell her products to the family. Still a little confused on why she is working because she is 79 years old and is saving her money for when she is "older".....whatever that means.

My grandmother pops up in conversation every five minutes to show her trim figure and how great she feels....tells us its all in the vitamins

My uncle then has three pieces of pie and gets three plates of leftovers and needs to leave right after dinner to pick up his girlfriend

My father complains about the cleaning lady hiding everything and can only find one blade for his dual electric knife and tries to leave the dinner table as many times as he can because he does not want to hear another thing about how he should try my grandmother's vitamins

My father says the bird is so undercooked that it's wings are still flapping

My mother wants to say grace

My father cooks so much food I think the entire state of California could eat with us and on top of it he makes two turkeys every year and I am a vegetarian since the age of six

My uncle is chocking on the turkey leg bone

My aunt is eating creamed corn out of the pot in the kitchen

My father calls her a double dipper

My mother wants to say grace

My grandmother tells me I need more protein and is attempting to give me turkey

My parents keep bothering me about how I am not eating anything but mashed potatoes but I had just had surgery on my mouth two days before and was not able to eat much

My uncle says pour a little turkey gravy over my mashed potatoes

I take everyone's hands to say grace and say grace

But my mother still wants to say it after I always do

My grace always ends with "I am blessed for all the food that is front of us and all the food that my aunt already ate"

This is my only family in the United States because I am the only American in my family everyone else still lives in Canada and so we actually have two thanksgivings since we celebrate both holidays.

Overall...I hate thanksgiving. I do not understand the part of starving all day and then eating a lot at one sitting and then feeling so sick that you cannot move and there is so much food for vegetarians watching that turkey cook just tops it off for me. On the other hand, I have many things to be blessed and thankful for but usually I take care of that at church, prayers and just flat out saying what I am thankful for....still confused why all the food has to be there. Hopefully next year I will not have to have surgery on my mouth and maybe I will be able to eat something besides mash potatoes.